Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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