Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
