I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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