The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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