kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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