it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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