you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
