i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
