If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
