I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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