Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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