never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
