That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
