so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Every concussion has its silver lining
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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