i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
