Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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