You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
