I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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