I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
