Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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