Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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