so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
