Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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