She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
