i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
