Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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