Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
