Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
