i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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