..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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