My liver just broke up with me...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
