Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
