i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
