this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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