here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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