Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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