Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
