First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Holy sore nipples Batman
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
