shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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