PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
