I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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