Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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