im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
