ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
