mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
