Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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