I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
