I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
