you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
