Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
