I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
