I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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