it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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