You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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